Christians Talking About Polyamory

2008-07-30T07:39:00.000-07:00

Description: Does the Bible say Heaven is sex-free? Should Christians believe in heavenly lovemaking in the afterlife?

I recently published a book entitled Is There SEX In Heaven? through lulu.com The reason I wrote this book is because I was always taught that Heaven is a sex-free zone reserved exclusively for celestial monks and nuns. That was disturbing. Giving up sex for lent is one thing; giving up sex for eternity is a homiletic of an entirely different color. I told a friend of mine that I was writing a book entitled Is There SEX In Heaven? He said, "I sure hope the answer is yes; otherwise, I wouldn't want to go there."

I've heard others express similar sentiments. I, too, used to feel the exact same way for many years. But after doing my homework, I've come to the conclusion that most of the reasons most people give for a sex-free eternity do not hold water. That's because most of them are not even softballs; they're whiffle balls. Whiffle balls don't hold water. But there are a couple of objections that seem like hard balls... at first.
Jesus said there is no sex in Heaven. (Actually, Jesus said no such thing. I explain what Jesus "really" said; and what Jesus meant in my book.)

Sex outside of marriage is a sin; no exceptions. (Actually, the Bible does give us a few exceptions, which I also explain in my book.)

I hope you'll check out my book on sex in the afterlife. After all, eternity without sex is kinda like coffee without a doughnut.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

The Sex Lives of Celebrities, Serial Monogamy, and Polyamory: What Celebrities Could Learn From Polyamory

2008-07-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

Description: Celebrities' sex life, serial monogamy, and polyamory.

What do Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, and Ed McMahon have in common?

Of course, all three of them are celebrities. But more than that, all three are serial monogamists. And since most adults have been involved in multiple monogamous relationships throughout the course of their lifetime, then it's fair to say that most adults, celebrity or not, are serial monogamists. Nevertheless, this phenomenon seems especially prevalent among celebrities.

According to People Magazine, as of June 21, 2008, Angelina Jolie is the third most buzzed about star as of this minute! The Hot List shows the most buzzed about celebs of the moment as measured by reader activity on People.com. Here is the Top Ten:

1 Jamie Lynn Spears

2 Britney Spears

3 Angelina Jolie

4 Brad Pitt

5 Rihanna

6 Nicole Kidman

7 Sienna Miller

8 Keira Knightley

9 Julia Roberts

10 Blake Lively

Consider the love life of each of these celebrities, as it relates to serial monogamy.

Jamie Lynn Spears

Jamie Lynn is the baby sister of Britney Spears. As of this writing, Casey Aldridge is her fiancé and they've been a couple since 2005.

Britney Spears

On September 07, 2000, Britney Spears and singer Justin Timberlake went public with their romance at the MTV Video Music Awards. But in March, 2002, Britney confirmed that she and Justin were no longer seeing each other. Britney told People Magazine:

"[The breakup] was horrible. Very upsetting and it took a lot out of me. He was my first real love, and I doubt I'll ever be able to love anyone like that ever again. But I'd rather spend two days with my soul mate than the rest of my life with some guy who doesn't mean as much."

Then on January 2, 2004, Britney married her childhood friend Jason Alexander in Las Vegas. The marriage was annulled after 55 hours. Spears told Matt Lauer it was an act of rebellion, prompted by a demanding performance schedule.

Next, on April 23, 2004, Britney hooked up with Kevin Federline, a backup dancer, and they become a couple. Shar Jackson, who was Federline's girlfriend prior to this, was also pregnant with his second child. Jackson told People Magazine:

"This just isn't right."

On September 23, 2004, Spears and Federline married in a surprise ceremony in Studio City, California, at a private home. She described the wedding as "my fairy tale dream."On September 14, 2005, Spears gave birth to son Sean Preston by C-section at UCLA Medical Center. He weighed 6-lb. 11-oz. While pregnant, Spears told People Magazine,

"I find being pregnant empowering. I think it brings out a pure side of you, and I think that's cool."

In August, 2006, Spears was six months pregnant with her second child. She appeared nude on the August cover of Harper's Bazaar with her hands placed over her breasts. "It made me want to cry a little bit, doing these photos," she tells the magazine. "I started feeling like myself again." On September 12, Spears gave birth to son Jayden James. "It just kind of happened," Spears told People Magazine of her second pregnancy. On November 07, after appearing on David Letterman's Late Show, Britney filed for a divorce from Federline, citing "irreconcilable differences."In January, 2007, she was romantically linked with Isaac Cohen. After Spears split with Cohen, she hooked up with her current boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib.

Britney's ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, has been linked with the following women:

Jessica Biel, girlfriend (2007 to present)
Cameron Diaz, ex-girlfriend (2003 to 2007)
Britney Spears, ex-girlfriend (2000 to 2002)

Angelina Jolie

Brad Pitt, boyfriend (2005 to present)
Billy Bob Thornton, ex-husband (2000 to 2003)
Jonny Lee Miller, ex-husband (1995 to 1997)

Brad Pitt

Angelina Jolie, girlfriend (2005 to present)
Jennifer Aniston, ex-wife (1998 to 2005)
Gwyneth Paltrow, ex-girlfriend (1995 to 1997, engaged)
Jitka Pohlodek, ex-girlfriend (1993 to 1995)
Juliette Lewis, ex-girlfriend (1990 to 1993)
Robin Givens, ex-girlfriend (1989)
Jill Schoelen, ex-girlfriend (1988)

Rihanna

Chris Brown, boyfriend (2008 to present)

Nicole Kidman

Keith Urban, husband (2005 to present)
Lenny Kravitz, ex-boyfriend (July 2003 to Dec. 2003)
Tom Cruise, ex-husband (1990 to 2001)

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise has been linked with:
Katie Holmes, wife (2005 to present)
Penélope Cruz, ex-girlfriend (2001 to 2004)
Nicole Kidman, ex-wife (1990 to 2001)
Mimi Rogers, ex-wife (1986 to 1990)

Sienna Miller

Rhys Ifan, boyfriend (2007 to present)
Jamie Burke, ex-boyfriend (2007)
Jude Law, ex-boyfriend (2003 to 2006, on and off, engaged)

Keira Knightley

Rupert Friend, boyfriend (2006 to present)
Jamie Dornan, ex-boyfriend (2003 to 2005)
Del Synnott, ex-boyfriend (2001 to 2003)

Julia Roberts

Danny Moder, husband (2002 to present)
Benjamin Bratt, ex-boyfriend (1997 to 2001)
Matthew Perry, ex-boyfriend (1996)
Lyle Lovett, ex-husband (1993 to 1995)
Jason Patric, ex-boyfriend (1991 to 1992)
Kiefer Sutherland, ex-boyfriend (1990 to 1991, engaged)
Dylan McDermott, ex-boyfriend (1988 to 1990, engaged)
Liam Neeson, ex-boyfriend (1987 to 1988)

Blake Lively

Penn Badgley, boyfriend (2008 to present)
Kelly Blatz, ex-boyfriend (2004 to 2007)

So out of the top ten most buzzed about celebs of the moment, only two are not serial monogamist. Why are the vast majority of celebrities serial monogamists? And why are so many non-celebrities serial monogamists? Scientifically, there's strong evidence that suggests that humans are simply not naturally monogamous. This theory was put forth in the Marilyn Monroe movie The Seven Year Itch. Since then, the titular phrase "seven year itch," which refers to a disinterest in a monogamous relationship after seven years of marriage, has entered the popular culture. It has also been used by psychologists. (See The Ties That Unbind by Aaron Dalton, an article from Psychology Today.)

Another term that casts doubt on the notion that we are naturally monogamous is the catch-phrase "The Coolidge Effect." This term describes phenomena seen in nearly every species whereby males show continuously high sexual performance given the introduction of new receptive females. The notion of society is that we can't start a new romantic relationship until we end a current romantic relationship. So if Angelina had all of her ex-lovers moved in with her and Brad, and if all Brad's ex-lovers were to move in with him and Angelina, everyone would say "How naughty!" Yet there are revolutionary Utopians who insist that such a radical lifestyle not only can work, but often does work. One term for this arrangement is "Open Marriage." This was suggested in Nena O'Neill and George O'Neill 1972 book Open Marriage, which sold over 1.5 million copies. Another term is "polyamory," which means "many loves." It seems peculiar that romantic relationships are the only arena where variety is not the spice of life.

Are We Naturally Monogamous? Consider "The Coolidge Effect!"

2008-07-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

Many of us living in this modern-day Western civilization take monogamy for granted. This is especially true for most Christians... even though Abraham, King David, Solomon, and other Bible heroes were polygamous.

Regardless of whether you believe in polygamy, polyamory, or swinging, chances are, most people you know outside of your subculture regard your non-orthodox lifestyle as an aberration. Welcome to the club.

Consider "The Coolidge Effect"

One of the biggest challenges to the notion that humans are naturally monogamous is what is known in scientific circles as "The Coolidge Effect." In biology and psychology, this term describes a peculiar phenomena seen in nearly every species whereby males show continuously high sexual performance given the introduction of new receptive females.

The term "Coolidge Effect" originated as a joke. Legend has it that President Coolidge and his wife were visiting a chicken farm. Mrs. Coolidge asked her tour guide how often their roosters have sex.

"Several times a day," was the reply.

"Be sure to tell that to my husband," the First Lady insisted.

Later, the tour guide relayed her message to the president.

"Mr. President, your wife asked me to give you this message. She insisted that I tell you that our roosters have sex several times a day."

"With the same hen?" President Coolidge asked.

"Oh no, Mr. President... with different hens. Roosters like variety."

"Well, you be sure to tell THAT to the First Lady."

Many Christians who are critical of multi-partner love styles might agree that most men, and even many women, have a natural proclivity for a variety of sex partners. But they would also insist that that proclivity is a result of The Fall. They claim that God made us monogamous, but when we inherited Adam's sinful, fallen nature, a lust for variety became a part of our fallen state.

I, on the other hand, believe that variety is the spice of life, not only in other aspects of life, such as food, entertainment, and other pastimes, but for sexual partners as well. Of course, sexual variety must be used responsibly.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

What's Love Got to Do With It?

2008-07-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

Tina Turner's 1993 hit "What's Love Got to Do With It" was her most popular and successful single, becoming her first number-one hit in the United States. The lyrics are thought-provoking, especially as they relate to the polyamory lifestyle.

"What's Love Got To Do With It"

You must understand

That the touch of your hand

Makes my pulse react

That it`s only the thrill

Of boy meeting girl

Opposites attract

It`s physical

Only logical

You must try to ignore

That it means more than that

[Chorus]

Oh what's love got to do, got to do with it

What`s love but a second hand emotion

What`s love got to do, got to do with it

Who needs a heart

When a heart can be broken

It may seem to you

That I`m acting confused

When you`re close to me

If I tend to look dazed

I`ve read it someplace

I`ve got cause to be

There`s a name for it

There`s a phrase that fits

But whatever the reason

You do it for me

[Bridge]

I`ve been thinking of a new direction

But I have to say

I`ve been thinking about my own protection

It scares me to feel this way

[Chorus]

What`s love got to do, got to do with it

What`s love but a sweet old fashioned notion

What`s love got to do, got to do with it

Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

On the one hand, many people in the poly lifestyle say that it's okay to have sex with multiple partners, but those partners should be someone we are in love with. Sex should not be separated from love. Most swingers, however, say that it's okay to have sex with multiple partners, but people are emotionally monogamous. In other words, sex with multiple partners is okay, but you should only love one person. As for me personally, I fall somewhere in between a swinger and being poly. I believe it is perfectly okay to love and have sex with multiple partners. But I question whether or not one has to be in love with someone in order to have sex with them, although I do believe that all sex should be honest, responsible, and respectful. That's my opinion. What's yours? The comment button is below.

Is the Bible Poly-friendly?

2008-07-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

The notion of polyamory as a legitimate and ethical alternative lifestyle is a pretty radical concept for most people. But the very idea that polyamory might receive the Bible's stamp of approval seems even more radical. Here's why.

The word "polyamory" means "many loves." Poly people believe it is permissible to love more than one person simultaneously. Actually, Christians believe the same thing. The difference is that Christians do not believe that it is permissible to love more than one person simultaneously in a sexual manner; sorta. For example, though most Christians believe polygamy is wrong, many do not. A survey was created on 8/20/2006 by sermonaudio.com, a reformed website. The question posed was:"Polygamy - What do you think the Bible teaches about it?" As of July 27, 2007, out of 973 total votes, here were the results:

Polygamy has always been sinful. 37% 364 votes
Polygamy was permitted in the Old Testament but is now sinful under the new covenant. 20% 193 votes
Polygamy is not sinful, but is unwise as it is not God's ideal of one man and one woman for life. 10% 100 votes
Polygamy has always been allowed by God, just like celibacy and monogamy. 21% 202 votes
Polygamy is the Bible's preferred form of marriage. 7% 64 votes
No answer. Skip this survey, I do not care to vote on this topic. 5% 50 votes

So although 37% felt polygamy has always been sinful, many of the rest believed either that it was okay in the Old Testament but it is not okay now or that it was never frowned upon by God. Some even said they thought it was the Bible's preferred form of marriage.

Though polyamory is not identical with polygamy, there are many similarities. Both believe it is okay for people to love and have sex with multiple partners. The difference is, polygamy allows men to have multiple female sex partners, but it does not allow women to have multiple male sex partners. Polyamory allows for any combination of men and women. So if we can make a strong case for polygamy, it seems like a teeny, tiny baby step to make a strong case for polyamory.

That's my opinion; what's yours? The comment button is below. All opinions, pro or con, are welcome.